Carry On
by skwirl
Summary: He's a wreck right now and he's so glad it's her there. So glad it's not someone like Lynn who would expect him to be strong tonight. /Uriah and Christina after Marlene's death. For Amy.


Hi so this is a birthday present for Amy (over-rehearsed) because she is just the coolest person ever and she's the Amity to my Erudite and CHRISTINA/URIAH IS AN AMAZING PAIRING THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Love you bunches, Amy, and I really hope you like this. BIRTHDAY ANGST, YAY!

Oh, and this is also my first Divergent fic so I'd really appreciate any input. Please don't hesitate to tell me if you think they're OOC or anything!

_**"Carry On"**_ - Uriah and Christina learning to survive.

* * *

_Marlene is dead, she's dead, she is dead and there is nothing you can do about it. Dead, dead, dead. _He is laying face-down on his bed and he doesn't plan on moving. He's not entirely sure that he can move anymore. He is not in denial, he is not in shock. He is just confused. Only a couple hours ago, Marlene had been laughing and kissing him goodnight and now – _dead, she's dead, she's gone_. He'd seen her body on the pavement, too far for him to reach, he'd gone to her funeral – he doesn't know why he has to keep repeating it to himself. _She's dead, Marlene is dead_. It should have registered by now. It should have registered a long time ago. He doesn't answer the knock on the door; whoever it is doesn't seem to care. It's the middle of the night but she lets herself in and says, "How are you?"

He vaguely recognizes the voice but he can't place it. He doesn't care enough to look up. It takes him a long time to answer, but for once in her life she is patient.

His voice cracks as he speaks. "I don't know."

"Yeah. I get that." He feels the bed sink slightly as she sits down next to him.

"Do you?" he asks because he doesn't think she really knows what she's saying.

"Yes," she says firmly, and his curiosity gets the better of him as he lifts his head from his pillow to look at her. Dark skin and short hair and empty eyes – she looks exactly how he feels. His mind scrambles as he tries to figure out what reason she could possibly have for being there. The two of them are not close – acquaintances or maybe friends, nothing more. He'd have expected Lynn or Zeke to come see him, but her?

And then he remembers she's lost someone too. And their situations are so similar that he starts to wonder why didn't guess it was her straight away.

She says her next words carefully, as if she's been practicing them. "I just came to tell you that you can talk to me, or whatever."

He nods, not knowing what to say.

"Because, like, I get it. What you're going through."

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Right. Uh, Uriah?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me to stay?" she asks, and she kind of hopes he'll say no. She doesn't know him very well and he's acting really weird and the only reason she even offered at all is because she wishes someone had asked her the same thing, all those months ago. No one had considered that she might need a friend; no one had noticed that all of her old friends were dead or unreachable. She had always seemed so strong and independent, and everyone thought that offering to help was unnecessary.

But everyone needs help sometimes. She knows that now.

He bites his lip and looks at her with glassy eyes. He's a wreck right now and he's so glad it's her there. So glad it's not someone like Lynn who would expect him to be strong tonight. And his voice is shaky as he says, "Yeah."

And so she stays.

* * *

She wakes up in his bed and for once she is at a loss for words. He is asleep next to her, black hair hiding most of his face. She is still fatigued in both mind and body, but there is something she needs to do and she won't be able to rest until she does it, so she pulls herself out of his bed and leaves.

The two of them had had a couple short conversations the previous night. Some of them were about simple things, like how much they'd missed being in the Dauntless compound, and some were not as easy. He'd asked her how long it would take for him to stop feeling useless and purposeless and empty, and she said that the feeling still hadn't gone away for her. They'd both cried after that, using each other for support. But the light of day made Christina remember one conversation in particular.

"_Could you tell me what happened? I just… I don't know why but I feel like I have to know everything. The details."_

"_Alright," she nodded, trying to pull her thoughts together and remember. "They were all standing near the edge and she – Marlene – she started talking. And it was weird. It wasn't her voice. And then she just… jumped. They all jumped, I mean. I grabbed Kee and Tris grabbed Hec and neither of us was close enough to grab her and, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't– "_

"_Don't apologize. There was nothing you could do."_

There was nothing she could do; she only let herself believe it after she'd heard him say it. He didn't blame her. No one blamed her. And the rushing wave of guilt hit her hard as she realized why this was such an important thing to get into her head. It just happened – it wasn't her fault, it wasn't Marlene's fault, it wasn't Tris's fault.

_It wasn't Tris's fault._

And that is why she is now racing down the halls, trying to find her friend and tell her that it is _not her fault._

* * *

She goes looking for him the next morning because her only friend has left and she needs someone to just be_ there_ and she knows he'll understand because he needs someone too. "You know that Tris– "

"I heard."

She tries to smile, for him, but all she feels is guilt and grief and more guilt. Finally she says, "I saw you weren't at breakfast. I brought you something to eat." She holds out a muffin. He wants to cry and laugh at the same time, but mostly he wants to cry. He is not known for crying, though; he is known for laughing, so he laughs. It is forced and she can tell but she pretends she can't. She understands, now, that deception can do as much good as bad.

"You couldn't have gotten me anything else, huh?" He shakes his head a little. It really is funny, in a sick kind of way.

She just looks confused. "What?"

"This one time, me and Mar – never mind, actually." He takes a bite of the muffin to stop himself from talking. He doesn't want to talk about her and he doesn't want to talk about Tris. He wants to forget about them both and, selfish as that might seem, he really wishes he could.

And then he remembers the girl next to him and says, "Thank you, Christina," and he really means it. Because she could be anywhere in the compound right now, but instead she's chosen to sit there and reopen her wounds and bleed for him. She's helping him even though no one was there to help her and he doesn't know why. "For everything," he adds, and she understands.

"Don't mention it," she says, so he doesn't.


End file.
